I’ve struggled this week! I decided that since my last post earned me so many messages containing the words,

‘You made me cry!’ I better lighten things up a bit for this next one.

Look, I like to think I’m very funny, but getting something on ‘paper’ that is light and humorous isn’t that bloody easy! I’ve racked my brain most of the week trying to think of what to talk about!

This post is a little break from the telling of my life story thing that I seem to have going on. It’s confessions of some of the little fibs (not calling them lies, because I hate lies and that would make me a hypocrite!) I used to tell my boys when they were young.

Some they believed, some they definitely didn’t, most they questioned until I was so convincing they ended up coming around and the odd one came back to bite me.

Of course the teenage version of my boys will always tell me they didn't believe me anyway, but whatever lads, we all know I had you covered!

Mum's reading this that have been there done that, we did what we had to do didn't we? Mum's reading this that have little ones, trust me, you'll be surprised at the on the spot story to make up to get you through the rough days, the hectic days and the tricky situations you need to navigate your way out of. I promise you my sons are well adjusted young men with bright futures ahead of them. I don't think they have any scars!

You know how some days you get home from work and you just want to take your bra off, get in your PJ’s and veg on the couch? But instead you need to rip into Mum-life 101, dinner, baths, bedtime stories and 17 fights over god only knows what.. I started to record episodes of Home and Away in case I just needed bedtime to come a little earlier. If you remember Prime Possum? Is he even still a thing? Bedtime in our house was after that, 7.30pm I think.

The earliest was at 4pm. Was a particularly crazy day that one!

Earlier today I was giving my almost 18 year old the heads up that this was what I was writing about this week and he said that he was always suss because it was still so bright outside, but apparently I’d shut all the curtains and insist it was 7.30pm. Oops!

When the boys were old enough to stay home by themselves instead of going to vacation/after school care, I told them that I had hidden cameras everywhere in the house so that they didn’t spend the day fighting with each other or trashing the house while I worked, I did the same in the car when I’d run in to pay for petrol or something. If I’d get home or back in the car and it was obvious that something had gone down, I’d tell them that I’d check the cameras to see what happened and they’d all be in big trouble. I knew I could look straight at my second born and he would fold like a bad hand in poker. Has always been a shocking liar and I love it!  This is one fib that they all insist they didn’t believe, but yet I always found out who had punched who or kicked a footy at the ceiling leaving cherries all over it….

‘If you pick your nose, your brains will fall out’

‘I’m going to call Santa to see which list you are on’.

Speaking of Christmas, I didn’t remember that I had even done this, but my boys have told me that one year I had told them that Santa gives potatoes instead of presents if little boys were naughty before Christmas. Apparently, the first present they opened was a potato! Since I don’t remember they must have been proper little ratbags the night before, either that or I thought I was hilarious!

‘Mum just knows, why? Because I know everything’. My third born has made it his life’s work to poke holes in this one. He random asks me something stupid when he knows I'm not really listening and when I reply that I don't know, he’ll say,

‘But I thought you knew everything?’

‘Don’t pee in the pool, the water will turn purple and everyone will know’. This one was a hand me down from Dad, I knew it was a story, but I wasn’t going to test the theory just in case!

‘Your brother is taller because he eats his veggies’ I think this one might be true!!

‘Fat is a swear word’ This was after hearing them as a 2 and 3 year old talk about ‘fat’ Vicky and ‘Skinny’ Vicky at preschool, I asked if they actually call them that and when they said no, I told them that ‘fat’ was a swear word, just to make sure they definitely didn’t do that in the future. (yes, I also told them it was not very nice to talk like that!)

More than once the tooth fairy forgot to stop at our house! Silly fairy… One time it was because they must have missed the cut off for the day. Another, I accused them of having a boy look after quickly cashing up when they went to the bathroom. I think we’d moved house on another occasion. Also, did you know that the tooth fairy stops coming when you turn 12?

Speaking of tooth fairies…….My absolute favourite fib that I told the boys, that my eldest definitely believed because of the lengths he went to, was when he lost his first tooth. He was desperate to get it out, most of his friends had lost a few teeth by now and talked about the tooth fairy leaving money. I told him to make sure that he didn’t lose it at school if it came out or he would have to write a letter to the appeals department at tooth fairy headquarters.

Yes, I’m an evil, mean, terrible Mother……

So anyway, he was in year 1 at the time, I went to the class room to pick him up, his teacher mentioned that he was really excited because he’d finally lost his first tooth. I wrapped it up in a tissue for him, she told me. He was getting ready for bed that night when I asked him to bring his tooth out and put it in the glass of water I’d prepared. He told me that he was going to put it under his pillow. I told him that the glass of water was the way things were done. When he gave me the tissue, I unwrapped it and the ‘tooth’ disintegrated! I looked at my very sheepish 7 year old and asked him what was going on?

‘Oh Mum! I lost it playing footy at lunch time!’

‘What is this then?’

‘Cruskit’ he told me. OMG. Apparently, his friend gave it to him, so he could carve out a new little tooth. When I asked him why he did it he said,

‘You said I had to write a letter to the appeals place!’

I was dying inside from trying not to laugh, I tried to say that I’m sure it would be fine, but he insisted on writing the letter, let me rephrase that, he insisted on ME writing the letter for him because I was the grown up and would know what to say. He was so stressed, I couldn’t do anything but write that damn letter.

That one bit me on the backside, but I still laugh hard about it every time I think about it, even 11 years later.

For the longest time I was sad that I didn’t think I could remember a lot of the things the boys did or said when they were young. I put it down to being stressed, tired and all the things that we humans feel at times. It’s only since having my 4^th son and being in a completely different place in my life now that I’m remembering these things.

These days, it’s my boys trying to pull the wool over my eyes, tell me stupid little fibs, not to be devious, but to get a laugh.  

The other day one of the men in my household (Partner included) moved things around in the pantry I spent 2 days sorting. Not one of them will confess… It’s times like this I wish I still had those cameras I told them I had……



I’m getting what I deserve and I truly would not change a thing.